Grief: The Price Paid for Love

Isolation is Not the Way to Grieve

Death is inevitable and each of us are going to die someday. We feel relaxed and peaceful as we are unaware of the future. If you were to know your fateful day which would bring down the curtains of your life, you are doomed forever and start fearing death. But losing someone is even more painful. You miss the person, want him/her back in your life, you cry indefinitely, mourn continuously, feel angry at every one around, feel sad or even lonely. There are no certain specific rules and regulations to mourn. Scientists have taken up this issue seriously and are working out on healthy ways to cope with loss.
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Grief is generally associated with death and is a natural response to losing someone or something important to you. People grieve over the death of loved ones, loss of an important job or when they end a beautiful relationship with someone they love. There is no specific way, period or method to grieve and it all depends on the individual. Even cultural beliefs and traditions mold the expression of grief in a person. People belonging to certain cultures express their grief silently and privately while people of other cultures might wail loudly, openly and vigorously.

Different Stages of Grieving
There are five common stages of grief:

• Denial: This is the first stage and most people go through it. Initially, when you are informed about the death of your dear one, you are bound to think “I am dreaming” or “this isn’t true.” This is one way of dealing with shock, a kind of defense mechanism.
• Anger: Into the real scenario, you feel at a loss of words, feel angry, frustrated, lonely and start showing your anger at people around you. It might even be towards a higher power, your life or sometimes, the anger is directed towards the person who died leaving you alone to suffer in this cruel world.
• Bargaining: You revisit the events that happened during the day of mishap and try thinking about other alternatives that you could have done to prevent it. Phrases such as ‘If only…’ or ‘What if…’ are common and you might also plead with the supreme power to give you one more chance to re-live life with the dear one.
• Depression: This is the critical stage as you are fully aware of the loss and helpless. You become sad and show signs of depression including sleeplessness, loss of appetite and a disinterest to live life.
• Acceptance: At this stage, you realize that there is no rewind button to life and accept what has happened. While melancholy will remain forever in your life, you start moving forward with it.

Each person’s reaction to death is different and each takes a different coping mechanism for overcoming grief. Most people overcome grief on their own as time goes forward with the help of social support and healthy habits. Some take months, some others take years and a few others mourn lifelong. Humans beings are resilient and we have the ability to accept loss and move forward. Some people are unable to cope with grief and cannot do their daily activities too! They are said to experience complicated grief and could use the help of a psychologist/psychiatrist or a medical professional specializing in grief management.
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Life Goes On
While coping up is painful, research do point out that it can also be the origin for a new purpose in life. Following a few strategies are helpful:

• Open up about the death of your dear one with friends and family. This is one way to keep your memories of the person fresh in mind and also feel good thinking of those pleasant memories. Denying the death might seem pacifying initially but will frustrate you in the course of time.
• Accept that you might experience all types of feelings after the demise of a closed one. Sadness, accusation, anger, loneliness, irritation, frustration and even exhaustion is normal.
• Eat well, take rest, get plenty of sleep, exercise and involve in family time to move forward in life. Stress might take a toll on your health during the grieving period and use various coping techniques given at www.firsteatright.com to overcome stress.
• Helping others is one way to cope with grief and sharing your beloved experiences about the deceased person helps everyone cope with loss.
• Keep memories of your loved one alive by passing on his/her name to a baby in the family, donate to some charity on his/her birthdays, hang photos of happy moments with your loved one, feel good thinking about it or arrange a small gettogether every year where different family members share memories about their personal good times with the deceased.

Despite all these, if you feel stuck or overwhelmed by your emotions, it is better to talk with a psychologist who can help you overcome emotions and get back on track.

Grief is the process of letting go and learning to accept and live with loss. Grieving is not bad. It is one way of expressing your love over the deceased person and it needs to find a place in your life after you lose a dear one. Ensure that you don’t succumb to alcohol, drugs or become a workaholic to overcome grief. These might subtle your feelings temporarily but will never help you feel better in the long run.